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ROGER THORNHILL


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Saturday, April 15, 2006

Don't Trust Snakes Celebrity Baby Names

"There's a sense of 'I'm special, I'm different, and therefore my child is special and different,'" said Jenn Berman, a clinical psychologist in Beverly Hills, who has worked with actors. "It's unconscious, but they think, 'We're a creative family, you have the potential to be creative, so here, I bestow you with the name 'Joaquin,' " Dr. Berman said. New York Times, April 15, 2006
Thank you, psychologist and naming expert Jenn-with-two-n's. Four things here:
  • They needed to source this idea to an actual psychologist!?

  • "It's unconscious"!?!?

  • "Moses" is just not that off the wall. It's a nice biblical/Jewish/Egyptian name. "Ramses" would have been off the wall.

  • Please let me know if you are not registered with the New York Times and are asked to register when you click the above link. I used to email the stories to myself to ensure that I got a link for them that wouldn't require registration, but I stopped doing that recently because it seemed like a lot of effort to go to for the benefit of anyone so peculiar as to not want to have access to all the free NYT content that is available online. Nevertheless, I'm curious whether any of you peculiar people are reading my blog.
I feel I should offer a few baby name ideas of my own for any of my celebrity readers who aren't ready to fold their spiritual tents and go home. Think about how one of these Don't Trust Snakes Celebrity Baby Names might "function as the equivalent of a royal title, a way for a privileged caste to bestow the power of its legacy on future generations."
  • Galaga - An ironic tip of the hat to an 80s video game.

  • Galaxian - An inside reference to a popular 80s video game.

  • CastleWolfenstein - Why name your kid "Apple" when you can pay homage to the classic Apple II game? ("CastleWolfenstein Jillette")

  • Galangal - A clever use of the delicious rhizome sometimes called "Thai ginger." Little-known fact: galangal was the only type of ginger known in Europe during the Middle Ages.

  • Inclusion - It's never too early for your small celebrity to learn the ins and outs of gemstone grading.

  • Gruppenführer - I mean, come on, it's been 60 years.

  • Prancer - Why should reindeer get to have all the fun?

  • Wormwood - It subtly tells your infant's enemies, "Watch out!"

  • Pris - Who didn't love Blade Runner?

  • Drax - Who didn't love Moonraker?

  • Moonraker - See above.

  • Devil-May-Care - Because he may. ("Devil-May-Care Jillette")

  • The Flop - A reference to Texas Hold 'Em and not, say, Stealth.

  • Mostly - "They mostly come at night . . . mostly."

  • Proxy - This one might hit a little close to home, psychologically speaking.

  • Rocky - Actually, I could see this one getting the nod a time or two.

  • Summilux - O.K., maybe not for a kid, but has there ever been a better name for a camera lens?

  • Mycroft - If you name your child this, I promise to go see all of your movies.

  • Stygian - Not really. I just wanted to imagine a child named "Stygian Pitt".


posted at 7:45 PM

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about names related to the anti-anxiety drug the celebrity is taking?

Xanax Winfrey
Zoloft Cruise
Paxil Love Hewitt

of course that could turn into a slippery slope and before we know it every drug name will be fair game.

Oxycotin Garner-Aflec
Viagra Flockhart-Ford
Prilocek Bonaduce

wait... that last one might actually be:
Vicadin Bonaduce

April 17, 2006 12:58 PM  

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