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Sunday, October 08, 2006

Narcissism by proxy?

I sometimes feel I could write a short book about all that troubles me about the state and status of children in modern America. Or maybe it is that state of parenthood and parenting I would really be writing about. Among the topics I might explore:
  • the idea that the best interests of the child in any given situation must be paramount

  • the idea that children must be afforded every possible explicit opportunity more fully realize their presumed gifts

  • the idea that children must be shielded from knowledge of the world that every adult has somehow managed to acquire, and the coordinate idea that information on certain topics is properly doled out on a need-to-know basis and "when they are ready, they will ask"

  • overindulgence and undersocialization of children
I picture myself being sort of an Atticus Finch kind of parent, but I suppose time will tell. Some people think it's impossible to predict how you will respond to being a parent until it actually happens. I think such people are usually imagining their experience is somehow universal, and they tend to be less analytical than I am and have less capacity to project how they will react to things that have not occurred. Some people will now say I'm flattering myself and just wait until you're a parent, etc. I guess we'll see.

Not being a parent now, I'll occasionally discover some striking common mode of thought among parents that would never occur to me naturally. Recently I was formulating preliminary plans for an event and someone suggested that I needed to come up with a firm policy about whether people could bring their children. Apparently it can be annoying to parents if they get a sitter and then show up to find others brought their kids (something about preferring the company of their own kids to other people's kids). I mentioned this to a new parent in an email message, adding that I don't really appreciate these nuances since to me all kids are someone else's kids.

My always-candid correspondent's response: "I totally get the nuances. The difference between one's own kid (who seems special and amazing at all times) and other people's kids (who seem kind of pointless and irritating) is staggering."

Which leads me to wonder if there isn't a thin line between parental love and narcissism by proxy.

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posted at 7:38 PM

1 Comments:

Blogger CozyMoses said...

For those of us opting to not become parents in the first place, it really chaps my hide that, for some reason, once a kid is born YOUR life is deemed "less important" than the parent's. I have a friend with an 8 year-old, and for some reason I have to go to her house if I want to see her. I mentioned this, and now she's pissed. It's as though I MUST have SO MUCH exess spare time, because I don't have a kid!

DAMN YOU, LITTLE HOMEWRECKERS!!
(I'm not bitter or anything)
:-)

October 09, 2006 6:37 PM  

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