MemoFest
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: Patrons of Pagliacci Pizza
FROM: MWR
RE: Seasonings
DATED: November 16, 2006
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Are you unaware that there are perhaps four to eight shakers of each seasoning for the entire restaurant? Do you think the seasonings are all going to taste a lot different from the last time you applied them, which was probably about two days ago? Have you forgotten how many pepper flakes you like on your slices?
No? Then why don't you season your pizza up at the seasoning station instead of carrying different shakers back to your individual tables? That way, I wouldn't have to walk to three different seasoning stations looking for pepper flakes—and still not find any. Claw out of your little self-focused cocoon and let me have some pepper flakes!
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: Authors of Snippy, Passive-Aggressive Group Emails
FROM: MWR
RE: Feel Better Now?
DATED: November 16, 2006
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Was it really a good idea to leave me speculating about whether I was a/the target of your "lighthearted" backhanded ire? Doubtful. Didn't you think I would have to conclude I was a target? Wouldn't a simple mea culpa for the original oversight have been a better approach?
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: Bus Drivers
FROM: MWR
RE: Reciprocity
DATED: November 16, 2006
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Does it seem at all odd that I always greet you pleasantly and later thank you, but you never apologize even when you are, like, 20 or 30 minutes late?
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: Most Vegans
FROM: MWR
RE: Eat What You Like; I'll Do the Same
DATED: November 16, 2006
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I don't think it's the moral equivalent of genocide, so I'm not a hypocrite when I eat a nice steak. I'd like to think that if I did think the moral equivalent of genocide were going on all around me, I would do more than just ensure that my meat substitutes were vegan and not merely vegetarian. And if you're going to keep living your comfortable little lives while you see genocide all around you, I don't need to hear anything about the moral superiority of some diet.
M E M O R A N D U M
TO: Dr. Silberman
FROM: Sarah Connor
RE: You're the One Living in a Fucking Dream
DATED: August 12, 1995
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It's not just a dream. It's real, you moron! I know the date is happens!! On August 29th 1997 it's going to feel pretty fucking real to you, too! Anybody not wearing number two million sunblock in gonna have a real bad day, get it? You think you're alive and safe, but you're already dead. Everybody, you, him . . . everybody . . . you're all fucking dead! You're the one living in a dream, Silberman, not me! Because I know it happens. It happens!
Labels: Memo from MWR
posted at 9:03 PM
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