"This is the silliest compatibility profile I've ever read"
Being "not impressed by much," to paraphrase my good friend and missed-calling criminal defense attorney syp ("He clocked that homeowner—that's not carjacking!"), I was prepared to be not impressed by what lay behind eHarmony's boasts about its "Scientifically Proven Compatibility Matching System" based on "[e]xhaustive research with thousands of couples found that there are 29 Key Dimensions of Compatibility necessary for success in a long term relationship. eHarmony is the only relationship site that uses a scientifically proven method to match based on these 29 crucial dimensions."
Conclusion: syp knows me very well. Not impressed. Amazingly, according to a TV commercial I saw last night featuring that very annoying eHarmony founder, they used to charge $50 for the pablum-packed profiles their "proven" protocol produces. (Sorry.) I sent my narrative results to another good friend who knows me well, CLD, who pronounced: "This is the silliest compatibility profile I've ever read . . . it contradicts itself in numerous places, and is written like it is straight out of the 1950s."
Truly, I was expecting a little better effort from these charlatans. However, it's important to remember one thing about all these so-called "personality profiles" based on self-completed Myers-Briggs-style surveys: They ask you what you are like and then they tell you what you are like. Duh! It's not that much different from how the "psychic" figures out that you want to hear from Uncle Joe, and there's not even trickery involved. Puffery, yes. So, for example, if I say that a sense of humor is very important to me in a partner, I get back something like this: "She tends to be lighthearted and shares your humorous view of the world." Quel shock! (For the record, however, my view of the world is not "humorous." Some of my observations about the world are humorous. In addition to its other conspicuous flaws, the eHarmony profile is poorly written. Another example: "You may demonstrate positive possessiveness by developing strong attachments; however, you will not be overly involved as some others tend to do." Huh? But I digress.)
Let's just string together a few of the qualities of my "ideal mate" and see what kind of consistent picture the "Scientifically Proven Compatibility Matching System" paints for me from my own statements about what I am like and what I prefer:
"Conflict Resolution: You'll be happiest with a woman who tries to avoid conflict altogether. When she does have a disagreement, she tries to keep the peace instead of adding fuel to the fire. Resolving the argument is generally more important to her than being right, but she will stand up for herself."Now, you may wonder whether the two parts of that last sentence are entirely consistent, but let's skip down a bit in the profile and continue reading . . .
"Dominance: You are best suited to someone who respects your competitive nature and shares some of the same thirst for victory. [What am I, a Roman general?] She generally goes out of her way to make sure she wins, whether it's finding the bargain shopping or excelling in the business world. Her friends describe her as someone who doesn't back down easily."O.K., you're saying, just because she's a "woman who tries to avoid conflict altogether" doesn't mean she will "back down easily." I learned that as a kid from Marlin Perkins. She might be kind of like a wolverine or a jackal. Lucky me. But it still seems a little contradictory. Let's read on . . .
"Obstreperousness: Your ideal mate is someone who isn't afraid to voice her opinion and appreciates the fact that you do the same. She won't be surprised if you disagree with her or argue your position. Her friends would probably describe her as the type of person who's more concerned with being right than just having everyone like her. Like you, she may get irritated when others disagree with her."Putting aside the fact that I don't typically get irritated when others disagree with me (don't start!), we now have someone who tries to avoid conflict but isn't afraid to voice her opinion and likes to be right and hates to back down. I'm not sure it's all inconsistent, but the effort to impose consistency highlights what general terms in which most everything in these profiles is couched.
Anyway, it's been a long entry so I'll wrap this up by noting that there can be insights to be had from this kind of personality profile, even though I didn't find any of them in my eHarmony reports. Here is the best example I can come up with, from a detailed profile of the Myers-Briggs INTP type (which I am--weak I, strong P, as best I recall): "He always chooses to listen to music which suits his current emotional state, be it aggression, warmth, excitement, relaxation or whatever. Hence, the emotional state is assumed to be an unchangeable, mysterious property of himself. It is easier to choose appropriate music than to attempt to influence this. People with introverted Feeling . . . will deliberately choose to listen to music which helps them change and improve their mood. INTPs could never do that." Now that's at once interesting, true and non-obvious, three features I found lacking in the eHarmony output.
And, yes, I appreciate the significance of some INTP person having put together an entire intp.org website.
Labels: INTP, Only in Don't Trust Snakes, what passes for introspection
posted at 3:41 PM
4 Comments:
I've always thought this stuff is a bunch of crap. Because it has to do with soulmates and "who we really are" and even a sense of fear about being alone forever.....I think people just turn off their brains when on the cyber-hunt for true love.
You can make about as much sense out of the sentiments in a Hallmark card.
Counter Point:
Um... If indeed eHarmony is parroting back the data you provided – perhaps it’s you that is a quagmire of indecision about how to handle conflict? Maybe you’re the John Kerry of online dating?
I myself am having fantastic luck with eHarmony. I have been abjectly rejected by over 30 men so far this week. My ego has NEVER taken this much bashing in such a short period of time. And you know what “they” say: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. When I get out of therapy I will be so strong.
All I will say is that three years ago when I filled out an eHarmony "survey" it told me that NO ONE matched me...I sort of knew that with out spending a bunch of time on their stupid personality test....
You'll all die alone.
All of you!!!
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