"Yes, for a score of kingdoms you should wrangle, and I would call it, fair play."
I think today's project will take a more conventional path, holding the work of others up for gentle ridicule. There are a lot of amusing and contradictory dating rules out there. Of course there are the classic "The Rules" rules, which I liken to the Atkins Diet. If you just do these things that seem intuitively dead wrong, great things will happen (the results of Dr. Atkins's own autopsy notwithstanding). I guess most rules in life have an element of the counterintuitive in them or we wouldn't need them, which is why we hear "steer into the skid" and not "don't touch glowing red objects." We probably look for "rules" of the former sort only where intuition has failed us in the past, so I'm sympathetic to those who've resorted to various slates of rules after repeatedly sliding off the road by following normal instincts.
At the same time, I'm reminded of a great, possibly apocryphal story told in my evolutionary biology course, about shrimp fishing in the Gulf of Mexico. At some point the shrimpers figured out that they could get tremendous hauls if they went out at night and shone bright lights into the water to attract the shrimp. Over time, the hauls diminished. Eventually, someone figured out that, originally, the lights had repelled just as many shrimp as they attracted. As the phototropic shrimp found their way to the nation's dinner tables, the light-wary ones multiplied and eventually predominated. Just remember that something similar happens when you apply some of these rules. It's fine if you think the rule is only driving off the rascally shrimp, but a rule like "seldom return his phone calls" will have a more indiscriminate effect.
My, what a long introduction. Now, a small selection of rules:
- While kicking game to woman, constantly repeat her name, it's like music to their ears. For example "So where are you from, Heather?" instead of "Where are you from?" [LINK]
Sure, inspired questions like that will soon have Heather eating out of your hand, Heather. But do you really want to take advice from someone who uses phrases like "kicking game"? - Find out who does the laundry. If a guy's old girlfriend or his mom is sorting his socks, you'll know he's not ready for a relationship. [LINK]
I await your comments on the perfect way to work this one into the conversation on a first date. "Gee, your [machine-washable garment] is so soft and fresh--do you use a dryer sheet or a liquid?" If he knows the answer, you can start reeling him in. I'm sure the authors of this rule assume that all single women do their own laundry, but it might be a red flag if, say, her ex is still doing her laundry. - Create a good screen name. - Pick one that is not boring but not too sexy, not too ho-hum but not too marriage minded. Do not go to the other extreme either and attract a man who is just interested in sex. Strive for something in the middle. Be descriptive.
Good examples:
BlondBeauty50
PetiteBrunette3 [LINK]
This is an online dating tip from the authors of the famous "The Rules" books, by the way. For the record, those are horrible screen names. Now, "Uniquegirl2" had potential, but only if there was some indication she was being playfully ironic. There was none. I'm sure it was just that "Uniquegirl" had already been snapped up. - The two questions you should ask early in a relationship are, "How young a woman would you date if you could?" and, "Would you choose a woman with breast implants over a woman with small breasts all her own?" [LINK]
This could be my favorite. Do you suppose a scoundrel is going to come clean about his ambition to leave you for a much younger, artificially-inflated person? I think it may finally be time to cancel my subscription to Ladies' Home Journal. - If a man tells you he "loves really smart women," check out how he reacts when it's you all the people at the dinner party are listening to raptly.
Another good one from Ladies' Home Journal. This one makes me a little sad. Is the guy less rapt because it's his date being brilliant? Should he fault her if he can't come up with his own enrapturingly brilliant remarks? For me, the smarter the better. - Don't date the people who you usually find dump you. You may be generally attracted to bastards but that will not get you anywhere except hurt. [LINK]
This one intrigues me. When do you apply this filter? Preemptively? That seems a little silly. On the other hand, this may be good advice. If you've been burned in the past by Uniqueguy and Uniqueguy2, hadn't you better take a long, hard, cold look at Uniqueguy3? If we want to be strictly grammatical, by the way, this rule offers timeless good advice: do not keep taking up with the actual same people who usually dump you. - Always wear cologne, and I'm not talking about cheap cologne like Preffered Stock. If you want to spark a woman's interest, invest in a bottle of the good stuff, for more info check out my special feature "The Player Knows Cologne". [LINK]
And in that very special feature you will learn something quite astonishing: "Below I have listed the my favorite cologne on the market. I own all of these fragrances and can tell you from first hand experience that you will never find anything better." The fragrances?- PREMIUM COLOGNE For Men By PHAT FARM
- ENVY COLOGNE For Men By GUCCI
- ACQUA DI GIO For Men By GIORGIO ARMANI
- DREAMER For Men By VERSACE
- DOLCE & GABBANA Cologne For Men
- BVLGARI For Men By BVLGARI
- BELLAGIO For Men By MICAELANGELO
- PLATINUM EGOISTE For Men By CHANEL
- PI For Men By GIVENCHY
With all due respect to www.becomeaplayer.com, please contact me if you would like to find something better.
posted at 10:56 AM
2 Comments:
That's some pretty advanced stuff. When I'm dating somebody new mostly I have to focus on not crying or setting them on fire. But to each his own, eh?
ACQUA DI GIO - Memories! This was my "go-to perfume" years ago! I wonder if they still sell it nowadays.
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