Domestic Arrangement Agreement
This Domestic Arrangement Agreement (the “Agreement”) is made as of this ___ day of _________, 19__ by and between _____________________________ (the “Political Aspirant”) and _____________________________ (the “Co-Aspirant”).
WHEREAS, Political Aspirant wishes to pursue election and/or appointment to one or more high elective and/or appointive offices at the state and/or national level (the “Political Aspirations”); and
WHEREAS, in furtherance of the Political Aspirations, Political Aspirant wishes to establish an appearance of monogamous marital relations with Co-Aspirant (the “Arrangement”) on the terms and subject to the conditions set forth herein, including the Marriage (as hereinafter defined); and
WHEREAS, Co-Aspirant wishes to pursue election to, appointment to and/or de facto ascension to such positions of power as may be or become open to women in American society from time to time (the “Ambitions”); and
WHEREAS, Co-Aspirant is willing to submit to the Arrangement as a means for the furtherance of the Ambitions.
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual promises contained herein, the sufficiency of which is hereby acknowledged, Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant agree as follows:
1. Marriage. At any time within four (4) years after the date hereof (such four-year period, the “Proposal Period”), Political Aspirant may, by written notice to Co-Aspirant (the “Proposal Notice”), require that Co-Aspirant enter into a valid and binding marriage contract with Political Aspirant and participate in such reasonable religious or civil wedding ceremony as shall be specified in the Proposal Notice. The Proposal Notice shall specify a wedding date not later than the first anniversary of the date of the Proposal Notice. Notwithstanding such wedding date, for purposes of the Arrangement, the marriage of Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant (the “Marriage”) shall be deemed to commence on the date of the Proposal Notice.
2. Conduct Prior to the Marriage. Prior to the Marriage, Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant may participate in sexual relationships with other men and women of legal age. Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant shall refrain from engaging in and/or acknowledging sexual activities that may result in scandal, notoriousness or other adverse effects on the reputation of Political Aspirant or Co-Aspirant. During the Proposal Period, Co-Aspirant shall take reasonable actions to discourage any male suitors whose claims to her hand in marriage could interfere with the consummation of the Marriage.
3. Conduct During the Marriage.
(a) Pregnancy; offspring. If so requested by Political Aspirant, Co-Aspirant shall submit to one (1) full term pregnancy for the purpose of providing one or more (in the event of multiple births) offspring in furtherance of the Arrangement.
(b) Sexual Intercourse. Following a request from Political Aspirant pursuant to Section 3(a), Co-Aspirant shall engage in sexual intercourse with Political Aspirant at least two (2) times each month until Co-Aspirant begins a pregnancy in satisfaction of Section 3(a). Following birth of the offspring referred to in Section 3(a), Co-Aspirant shall be relieved of any further obligation to engage in sexual intercourse with Political Aspirant; provided, however, that in the event of a miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of all live-born offspring referred to in Section 3(a) before the age of five (5) years, Co-Aspirant’s obligation to engage in sexual intercourse with Political Aspirant shall resume on the first day of the third month following such miscarriage, stillbirth or death of all live-born offspring and this Section 3(b) shall operate thereafter as though such miscarriage, stillbirth or death of all live-born offspring had never occurred.
(c) Parenting. Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant shall act as parents of the offspring referred to in Section 3(a) consistent with community norms; provided, however, that nannies may be engaged to provide routine care for the offspring even if community norms would dictate otherwise.
(d) Sexual Discretion. Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant shall use their reasonable best efforts to structure their private sexual relationships so as to minimize the possibility of embarrassment and to further the goals of the Arrangement. Subject to the foregoing, Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant may have such multiple and overlapping private sexual relationships as they may from time to time desire.
(e) Furtherance of the Arrangement. At all times during the Marriage, Political Aspirant and Co-Aspirant shall in their public presentations of the Marriage act and speak in a manner designed to further the goals of the Arrangement, including, without limitation, by denying the existence of the Arrangement, by denying that the Marriage is other than a marriage in the traditional sense, by denying assertions, claims and rumors regarding the true nature of the Arrangement or regarding particular private sexual relationships with third parties and by impugning the character and motives of those who question such denials, the Arrangement and/or the Marriage.
(At this point in the drafting process there must have ensued some actual legal work for paying clients. A pity, really.)
Labels: Hillary Clinton, Only in Don't Trust Snakes
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